A Shaman begin his or her journey with a certain illness which is given many names like; spirit sickness, self-loss or initiatory illness. Which is physical and mental; certain signs are loss of appetite, insomnia, visual and auditory hallucinations. I wasn’t fully aware of the illness when I acquired it, even though I have over came it many times in my life until I researched shamanism. So I defined it as madness which helped root out my problem because I knew it was an ordinary illness. In the past I went to many doctors and they could never diagnose it, I later learn it was a lactic acid build up with usually come from stress. Even though I am normally a care-free individual and usually choose to be an casual observer of life. The lactic build up causes an imbalance throughout your body including you nerve system, reestablishing balance is what the whole journey is about.
Before I went through my recent journey I didn’t have a care in the world, life was good. Due to the fact I didn’t put much thought into the world and its issues, not that I didn’t care, I just had peace. But other people around me were going through things which sparked my interest because it was unusual for people in that position to me to be depress, wealthy well organized individuals. I notice a lot of people with similar issue constantly coming around me and finding peace in my presents. I never saw myself as a guru but as an admirer of wisdom and good logic thinking. I always had a good out look of a situation due to positive reading and mind state. So when I became ill I didn’t really worry I saw it as another adventure to conquer which help me through it .
What I did was get a personal connection with my illness, which is my and the culture physiological issues. And embody the issue and figure out the solution with the aid of my family and the spirit. All of history that I looked up to and learn from helped me conquer the illness. By coming to and understanding and a feel of freedom and peace for the issue and myself. That is where the madness is, because the solution cannot be found in the norm; because the illness comes from sanity or present logic.
I connect with the spirits through mediations and prayers to help heal me and come to clarity of any physiological issue or sense of emptiness. I embody their consciousness by studying their character and how they dealt with situations. Which allows me to get epiphanies, I try not to be bias or judgmental so I can get a pure an honest realization. The more I find peace in with the issue the better I feel; it releases the tension and the anxiety that comes with the illness. It sometimes feels like the physiological issues are a spirit we have created and needs to be cleansed or reborn. It is us who created the issues due to a scene of survival and sometimes luxury. When I thought about any issue I could feel the tension, pain and pressure, the more I came to a good, solid honest conclusion of why and see it in a better light. The better I would feel I tend to feel a group effort with the spirits/my family to overcome the issue.
I don’t feel like a medium but more as a family member helping out and being help by family. You tend to understand the universal connection a little more personal. I am somewhat unorthodox in the spirits I call and connect with, I don’t not stick to any formal dogma or spiritual system yet integrate them all and make a universal peace within myself. I studied many arts, religions and spirituals systems but connect with shamanism due to the fact you can connect them all together without scrutiny or guilt and the illusion of duality. And you can personalize your understanding of it all without judgment and group approval. You become your own elder, your own healer.