Abstract: We all have experienced sarcasm in one form or another.  Definitions and examples of different kinds of sarcasm. Asking ourselves if we are aware of how much sarcasm is part of our daily speech.  Is sarcasm a heathy way to make the changes we want? Is sarcasm part of the resolution or a problem in our world? A list of choices that we can make in the moments of wanting to be sarcastic.

We all have experienced sarcasm in one form or another. Often as a funny or bitter remark with the intent to hurt or make us look and feel foolish. Sarcasm ridicules by saying the opposite of what is really meant. For example, a boss finds his employee playing on his cell phone and says, “Don’t work too hard”. We experience it in a tone, facial expression and body language as when we tripped on stick and someone laughs and says, “Did you have a nice trip? with a smile on their face.

Our history is filled with comedians that use sarcasm as their main platform. Commonly used as a way to be critical about some aspect of our society, with intent to humorously convey disapproval or scorn. Well known Irish poet and playwright, connoisseur of wit, Oscar Wilde said, “Sarcasm is the lowest form of wit but the highest form of intelligence.” Early research shows that whether or not sarcasm is a sign of intelligence, most sarcastic communication makes a statement sound more critical.

Sarcasm is also known as a way to cover up feelings. A good example of people who cover up their feelings using sarcasm are often passive aggressive. When confronted about their mean behavior they  pass it off as a joke often accusing the victim of being too sensitive.

We may not be aware of how much sarcasm is part of our daily speech. Jamie C Martin, founder of Steady Mom, shares how she had not realized how much it was part of her daily speech. She goes on to say, “those passive-aggressive statements can hurt and undermine all the nurturing mamas attempt and work so hard for.”

Is sarcasm part of the resolution or a problem in our world? The shift and method of communication from one-on-one to text, emails, mobile phones and computers is changing our evolutionary process around communication. We must ask is sarcasm a heathy way to make the changes we want? When we make a mistake or hurt ourselves is sarcasm helpful? Do we want to mock, criticize and made people look foolish as we move along in our evolutionary process? What if were become part of the resolution by making our comments supportive, loving, nurturing and empowering? What if we let go of sarcasm and learn to communicate with a compassion and intent to bring forth the best in each other? 

Choices we can make in the moments of wanting to be sarcastic:

• Take a deep breath. Count to ten before you say anything. Take a moment to think what we really want to communicate. What outcome do we want?
• Imagine how we would want someone to respond to us if we just made a mistake, got hurt, exposed or embarrassed.
• Notice if we are uptight and reactive when we think about making a sarcastic remark. Are we  allowing our higher intelligence to be guiding us?
• Keep an open mind about what is happening. Do we know what the other person experiencing and what do they really need in that moment?
• Remember a time that we have been met with sarcasm. What would we have wanted to that moment, ridicule or compassion?
• What behaviors and responses do we want to role model for our children?
• What healthy responses can we make? Be honest and straight forward about our communications. Listen to what the other person has to say. Are we listening just to reply? Make or receive an apology if appropriate. Request to have a few moments to breathe, let go and get present so we can move on.
• Embrace those fun moments where both people want to laugh and have fun with sarcasm. For example, two friends set out to get a certain outcome and the whole thing flops. They look at each other, laughing and saying, “Well, that sure was successful!”
• Are we using sarcasm to cover up our feelings? Breath, feel, admit and do what we need to do to let go and be present.
• Bring understanding into how certain personality types may enjoy sarcasm more than others. Some think it as a good way to stimulate a good argument. Not surprisingly, research shows that some participants to reported enjoying this kind of interpersonal conflict more than others.
• Embrace the moments where we are tempted to be sarcastic as one of the many opportunities we have to let go!

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