When we don’t love ourselves, we abandon ourselves in our relationship, because we think we need our partner to complete us, and we are afraid to lose them. But if we are true to ourselves, we won’t lose anything that is real, and we can grow together in a way that supports both partners to be the best of themselves. When our relationship is no longer based in need, but rather on a desire to give, we can allow the other person to evolve and grow, and then we gain the freedom to do the same ourselves. This is real love, unconditional love, and it starts with self.
There are people who get completely lost in their relationships and only have eyes for their partner. They do not love themselves, they do not speak their truth, and they compromise all the time, so as not to upset their partner. They do what the other wants and not what they want themselves, and in doing so, they lose all their power. Does this serve? No, it does not help them to grow. On the other hand, growing alongside another person in a relationship, together as individuals, is something very magical. In order to find love with another, remember that first one must have that experience with oneself, because our partner is our mirror. If there is a lack of love within us, this is what will be reflected to us in our relationship. Often in relationships, one person is more interested than the other. Sometimes this varies over time and the roles are exchanged. This happens because, in most relationships, we want our partner to fill a gap that is within us, and we mirror that need in the other person. At first, one of the two can appear to be very secure and the other, very needy and dependent; but this may change according to the circumstances.
We can grow together in a relationship, but only when we are careful not to lose ourselves. Then, we can have a beautiful partnership based on maturity and love-consciousness, supporting each other in our greatness. True love in its purest form is unconditional. That is real love. It comes from within and moves outward. True love gives, without needing anything in return and without compromising. This true love comes from a place of innocence. It is conscious love, and it is complete within itself.
The ideal relationship is like a chrysalis, nourishing the growth of each individual so that both can reach the perfection of their own brilliance, find their wings and display their true colors. Then both partners will reflect more maturity and perfection to the other. When we hold ourselves like this in our constant evolution, we cannot lose anything that is real. We may endure difficult moments together. The seasons may change, there may be harsh winters and abundant springs, but the change of season only brings more maturity. The couple support each other through all of this, and then all that remains is love. When we are fully aware, we are our own perfect partner.
When we are so anchored within, very deep in unconditional love, we can be with another person, but this is no longer based on need. In this case, love is focused on more growth, on being more and more love. It is no longer about completing ourselves with the other person, because we are both complete within ourselves.
When a child makes a new friend, he doesn’t say: "Now, do you promise to be my friend forever?" No, he just enjoys the moment. He lives innocently. He plays innocently. He does not need to have a list of expectations and requirements. He just innocently has a friend who came to his heart and delighted him. They have found joy together, so they play and laugh in the each other’s company.
Isha Judd is an Australian humanitarian spiritual teacher based in Latin America, author of “Love Has Wings” and “Why Walk When You Can Fly?”. Watch “Why Walk When You Can Fly?” on itunes. Her website is www.ishajudd.com. Watch more movies and inspiring videos at isha.tv
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