Submitted to Personal Growth ( Note : I may need a different title...not sure about it. Thought I might get your feedback)
by Gia Dalton
Why is it that some women are always the ones giving compliments and praise while others are finding fault and making harsh irrational judgments ?
In an instant we can put a face to the praisers in our lives , as well as the judges and critics. Then there are those who fall into the category of passive. They say nothing, good, bad or indifferent. Our friends become mentors, helping us navigate through life. They tell us harsh truths and realities.The kind of things we may not want to hear or admit.
Much of what we feel about ourselves is attached to what other people think. In turn, we crave attention and validation, thinking we need it to survive. Perhaps we weren’t validated as children. Hence, we pose as self assured, alluding confidence. That is only partially true, as deep inside we do not always feel that way.
It is important to understand that it is never about us, or our attributes. Sadly, the other persons lack of confidence and insecurities is often what causes them to criticize or be aloof. It is our own insecurities, that lead us to attach meaning to anything anyone says, or neglects to say about us.
Yes, being validated feels good. However, validation of any kind will always leave us vulnerable. If we only feel self-assured when people are saying good things about us, what happens when they become negative and derogatory? It would be a huge let down.
It’s no coincidence we are who we are. Each of us has learned from every mean spirited, sarcastic comment that has been spoken over us. We have also learned from every positive affirmation of praise. We have learned from those who have set an example of strength, exhibited a unique sense of self, encouraged, and motivated others.
Everyone was, and will continue to be our teachers. Some teach us what we aspire to become, and other’s what not to do. We need to stand behind our soul sisters, help, empower, and lift each other higher. And if we can’t help, than absolutely, do no harm.
When we finally accept and return to the fact that everyone has always wanted the same thing…to love and be loved, there is no need for mean spirited comments or judgments, towards anyone, man or woman. We will praise compliment and empower without feeling a sense of inferiority or envy. We will embrace everyone, and their unique gifts. We won’t feel the need to compare or compete on any level, with anyone other than ourselves. We will know that the only real validation we ever need is the validation we give ourselves. We are all beautiful.
Words should be used to heal and lift the human spirit. Never use words to hurt or harm. Remember that once something is said, we can not take it back. It would be like trying to put toothpaste back in the tube after it has been squeezed out…it just won’t happen. We can’t take back mean spirited comments. We can’t erase the fact that we’ve heard them. But we can forgive, or ask for forgiveness.
Be the kind of woman who supports other women. Remember, we all want the same thing…to love and be loved. That other woman is you, and you are her.
Gia Dalton is an International Visionary Writer, Speaker, Coach, Teacher and Intuitive Life Strategist. Currently she is writing a book. A Modern, Bohemian Guru, she states, “My mission is to motivate, empower and inspire the lives of others with integrity, beauty and love, giving the Glory to God. ” http://giadalton.com/ https://www.facebook.com/GiaDalton