You’re Enough for You; Stop Leaning on Others

“Your time is limited, so don't waste it living someone else's life. Don't be trapped by dogma - which is living with the results of other people's thinking. Don't let the noise of others' opinions drown out your own inner voice. And most important, have the courage to follow your heart and intuition.” ~ Steve Jobs

 

I think the most idyllic situation would be to be 100% self-sufficient and expect nothing from any other, but life just isn’t like that, is it?

From day one, our lives are filled with expectation. We expect to get a fresh nappie and food when we’re hungry. The reason expectations are there is because when we are born, we are dependent on others. As we mature, this dependency lessens, and we learn to lean on ourselves.

Does this sound like your experience? If not – and I know the answer was “No” for many people – we have to take a look at the expectations we’ve set up and see if they’re still working for us as they did when we were kids.

Don’t Look for Another to Confirm Your Okayness.

I know a mother whose little boy was insecure, and after every statement he made, he turned to her and asked “That’s right, isn’t it, mommy?” She taught him to trust himself and today, he is very self-sufficient.

Not everyone is going to agree with you. You are here to please you. Each of us is here to please ourselves. Each of us deserves to feel happy and fulfilled, and these feelings are not reliant upon the feedback of any other. If you can determine that your approval is enough for you to move forward in your life with your choices and decisions, the less you’ll need others to give you the high-five for your experiences.

It’s been said that to compare yourself to another is a smelly proposition, so try to compare yourself only with your last, best effort. Don’t compare yourself with anyone else. Don’t judge your progress by theirs. Stay with your own Self; love it there; be satisfied there.

Your Greatest Respect Should Come From You

I’m smiling when I say this, but seriously, how could any other respect you more than you respect yourself? It’s impossible, because they can’t possibly know you as well as you know yourself. This holds for love as well. You need to supply your own self-love. And while we’re at it, it also holds for attention. Only children require respect, love, and attention from others. When they become adults, they should be capable of doing this themselves.

You know best how you want to be treated. Please do that.

You’re Okay As Is

Now that you’ve decided not to need anyone else to love or respect you – you’ll handle that for yourself, thank you very much! – it might take you some time to change the old habit of wanting this from another. When you are enough for yourself, when you love and accept yourself just as you are, you will leave by the wayside the need for any other to supply you with anything that you can just as easily supply for yourself.

Not everyone will approve of you and that is perfectly okay. They may not have the learning experiences under their belt that you have, so how could they possibly understand why you do the things you do? What’s important is that you know, and you approve.

Make Not Rapid Judgments About Others

When you first meet a person, you form opinions about who they are. Trust me, these early opinions are often incorrect. It takes time and a lot of questions to dig deeply into any other and understand who they are. Your early opinions might include expectations of them that are not accurate, and you’re setting yourself up for a lot of disappointment.

Watch carefully – and sometimes silently – to find out the aspects of goodness in every individual. Each of us has the core of Goodness Itself in there just waiting to be discovered. Look, listen, stay open, form no opinions and learn.

Is Anybody Else Thinking Your Thoughts?

Without opening your mouth and telling folks what you are thinking, they cannot possibly know. They don’t know what you think, what you feel, what you want, what you expect – nothing, in fact – until you tell them. So please don’t expect them to know. Practice opening your mouth and find the right words to get your opinions, desires, demands, and wishes out there in the world. The more you practice, the more skilled you will become. It takes courage, but that will also increase with practice.

Don’t Hold Unspoken Expectations About Others

Just as I encourage practice in sharing your desires above, you cannot expect any other to change for you unless you have communicated your desire to him or her.  “Honey, it drives me crazy when you slurp your coffee. Do you think you could stop doing that around me? I’d appreciate it.”  Words always work better than unspoken wishing.

It’s unwise to try to change another, particularly your spouse. True love is about acceptance. This is why there is a courting period, so you can assess whether you can accept who and how they are or not. To love, support, and accept another paves the way to them changing on their own without you, and this is the only way it can happen harmoniously.

BIO:

With over 20 years of experience gained across television, radio and print, Maria Khalifé brings to her clients knowledge and understanding in holistic and motivational living. Maria brings to the world powerful life-changing experiences for those who seek extraordinary lives and want to reach their maximum potential. Maria can help you to uncover your true dynamic self. Please visit http://www.MariaKhalife.com

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Comment by Regina Chouza on September 26, 2016 at 7:06pm

Hi Maria,

Many thanks for the submission - love the topic you have chosen =)

My name is Regina, I'm one of the editors here. We updated our submission guidelines over the summer to include the following points, I'm not sure if you missed the note when it went out: 

- New Word Length: 500-800 words

- Point of View: We ask that writers stay away from 1st person singular (I/my) and 2nd person (you) so that the pieces will come across as being more professional and less bloggy. 

Otherwise the article is great and I really appreciate the use of subheadings to make it clearer. 

Please let me know if you would like to revise and resubmit. 

Thank you,

Regina 

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