My name is Cindy and I am a recovering health and wellness addict.

I have spent many years of my life in pursuit of "good health". Healthy lifestyle, healthy diet, healthy outlook. For many years, on any given night, I could have been found getting my “fix” cuddled up under a warm blanket with a hot cup of tea (organic, of course) determined to chart out all of the ways I could rid myself of negative thought patterns, heal my allergies, sleep more deeply, optimize my yoga…

I have lost my youthful optimism.

Optimism, by definition, is a feeling or belief that good things will happen in the future. It is a way of framing life in a positive light and is generally a quality that most people would consider positive. 

Well, not me. I have come to realize that I am better off without it. 

It happened quite suddenly, about three years ago now. Actually, it might not have been the process of losing it that happened suddenly,…

I yelled at my kids this morning. 



Okay, I assure you this is not a confessional sort of thing. I'm not feeling guilty or repenting for my parental shortcomings. I yelled at my kids and I feel the need to share because, well, it just felt SO damn good! No, no......I am not a cruel or sadistic type of person, nor am I looking to unload my negativity on others, but if you'll hear me out I can assure there is a point to this.

The details…

My name is Cindy and I am a recovering health and wellness addict.

For many years of my life, on any given night, I could have been found getting my “fix” — cuddled up with a warm blanket, candles lit, a hot cup of tea, some good music, a pile of books and with a pen and paper, determined to chart out all of the ways I could rid myself of negative thought patterns, heal my allergies, sleep more deeply, optimize my yoga practice, reduce my carbon footprint, meditate more effectively,…

I once believed in the songs of meadowlarks

and the secret mists of early mornings.

And that the dreams of men might sail

on ardent breezes and rest in the gentleness 

of a warm, springtime embrace.



I believed in the promise of seasons.

Each constant and…

In fields of goldenrods,

sad smiles are met with nods

as true beauty is at last found

cloaked in the colour of dreams and gods.



I once read about you

against back drops of blue

inside a poem that someone sowed

from all that they once believed they knew. 



But from amongst the weeds 

my broken life it bleeds

in full colour it paints true…

"When inward tenderness finds the secret hurt, pain itself will crack the rock and 'AH!' let the soul emerge." ~ Rumi

When we find ourselves in hurtful situations we often close up to protect ourselves. We feel a vulnerability lurching just below the surface of who we believe we are, and so when that threat appears, we construct walls in attempt to block the pain and to solidify our sense of self. This might happen many, many times throughout a lifetime....and as I'm sure we've all…

What on Earth is happening to me?

You are very concerned.

I am different. I have changed.

My once meticulous house is now a disaster. There are weeds growing in my garden. My "helicopter parent"-ing skills have taken a nose dive. I send my kids to school with odd socks and dirty fingernails and un-brushed hair. There are...(gasp)....potato chips in my pantry…

What exactly is ordinary? Well, it is defined by our individual perspectives of course, so for that reason it tends to look different to each one of us. Another's life, whom we may think of as "extraordinary", might seem nothing more than usual to that person. We probably think movie stars and sky diving instructors live extraordinary lives, for example, and of course from our POV they do, but do these people themselves agree? Perhaps. What so often happens though, is that what we become…

There is a clear space deep within each of us, right inside the present moment, where peace lives. One day we will all find it, but not until we can learn to be still.

We are so very restless. 

Humans have become incredibly skilled at avoiding ourselves. That restlessness? That uneasy, vague feeling of emptiness that so many of us experience? That is just the tip of the iceberg that we are trying to avoid.

Many of us experience this…

There is no darkness which is not my own.



What I mean to say is that to distinguish between "my darkness" and "your darkness" is truthfully no longer possible for me. I must claim it ALL as my own. And WOW....is there ever a lot of it.



I don't want to claim it, of course, because I am afraid to. I try and determine what is and isn't mine all of the time. If something awful happens to someone I ask, "What did they…

I knew you once
in a garden
fair and smiling.
Hollyhocks growing
out of your long braids.
You held my hand
as we walked toward the summer's end.

I see you now
and you smile
shy as though you had never loved me,
but those paths of green have woven
a crescent around your heart.
At center pure,
an honest and upright stalk.
The part only I can see
through the hollyhocks
of our childhood garden.