Linda Bloom's Articles (92)

The Myth of Independence

 

“Love comes quietly; finally, drops around me, on me, in the old way. What did I know, thinking myself able to go alone all the way.” ~ Robert Creeley

Linda: In the early years of my relationship with Charlie, I was plagued with a constant nagging voice inside my mind that…

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Added by Linda Bloom on June 4, 2020 at 8:00am — 1 Comment

The Matters of the Heart Are the Most Important

There are certain kinds of experiences that nurture our souls and others that don’t. We also know that “experiences” are not “things,” and that although things, like money, homes, and motor vehicles do matter in our lives, they do not nourish our hearts and spirits. There’s nothing wrong with something that enhances only the material, as long as we don’t expect more from it than that. For most of us, separating unrealistic expectations from real ones is not easy. …

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Added by Linda Bloom on June 1, 2020 at 1:30pm — 1 Comment

Time Out Agreements Are Best Made Ahead of Time

When our kids were small, we frequently took advantage of a time-honored means of averting explosive interactions between us and one of our kids. For those of you who may be unfamiliar with this mechanism that has come to be a tried and true instrument in most parents’ tool bag, it’s called a Time-out. A time-out is an interruption in an interaction…

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Added by Linda Bloom on May 26, 2020 at 1:00pm — 1 Comment

How Smart Couples Handle Their Money

The number one issue that most couples fight about is money. It’s not money that is activating these intense emotional reactions. It’s all of the things that money symbolizes power, security, worth, trust, love, and even our very survival. The possible, or actual loss of money can activate some of our deepest fears that prompt us to act defensively as…

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Added by Linda Bloom on May 24, 2020 at 4:30pm — 1 Comment

The Art of Making Love Last

 

  1. Pay Attention! More marriages die of neglect than of irreconcilable differences. Relationships require on-going maintenance in order to thrive. If your relationship isn’t thriving, it’s dying; there’s no middle ground. Many people go months without saying “I love you,” going on a romantic getaway or simply…
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Added by Linda Bloom on May 20, 2020 at 2:30pm — 1 Comment

Essential components of Well-being

A need is an essential component to promote well-being in our lives. Although these needs are not essential to your survival, they are essential to experience happiness. We can’t have a high level of well-being unless all these needs are being fulfilled. Take a few minutes to assess which of these are being met and which require…

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Added by Linda Bloom on May 18, 2020 at 1:30pm — 1 Comment

Book Review: That Which Doesn't Kill Us: How One Couple Became Stronger at the Broken Places

Book Review: That Which Doesn't Kill Us: How One Couple Became Stronger at the Broken Places

By Marcia Naomi Berger, author of Marriage Meetings for Lasting Love

I know the authors, so I’m writing from firsthand experience about their most recent book. They are master teachers, gifted writers, and two of loveliest and the most authentic people you will ever meet.  And believe me, in their astonishing new book…

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Added by Linda Bloom on July 24, 2018 at 7:30pm — No Comments

The best way to boost your sense of well-being.

Joan and Frank were married for 30 years. He was a career diplomat, and Joan faithfully followed him to his many posts around the world, being a supportive wife and mother of their three children. She made deep friendships and started projects wherever they lived. When they returned to the United States, their children grown, Joan decided that it was her turn to follow her heart's desire, and chose to get a graduate degree at the local university where she was…

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Added by Linda Bloom on April 27, 2018 at 5:30pm — 1 Comment

Repairing Damaged Trust

Relationships don’t start with a high level of trust. Trust must be built day-by-day, when two people demonstrate trustworthiness through their words and actions. Trust is developed conversation by conversation, by working through conflicts and demonstrating kindness, generosity, and consideration. In a moment of unconsciousness, anger, or fear, we can do great damage to the trust that we have worked so diligently to create. Yet breakdowns inevitably occur. We…

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Added by Linda Bloom on April 25, 2018 at 1:30pm — 1 Comment

Becoming A World Class Listener

Couples that thrive are skilled in the art of attentive listening (also known as committed listening). They allow themselves to be penetrated by each other’s words and feelings. They don’t simply receive information, but allow themselves to be informed by it, and may even change their behavior accordingly.

 

Creating connection and…

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Added by Linda Bloom on April 20, 2018 at 1:30pm — 1 Comment

Puppy Wisdom

“Life is a succession of moments. To live each one is to succeed.”~Corita Kent

 

If you buy a raffle ticket, it may say “You must be present to win” meaning that if you’re not here, you don’t get the prize. It’s kind of like life. You’ve got to show up in order to get…

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Added by Linda Bloom on April 18, 2018 at 2:00pm — 1 Comment

Lining Up What We Feel, Think, Say and Do

 “Happiness is when what you think, that you say, and what you do are in harmony.” MahatmaGandhi

 

If we find ourselves thinking about the "I" word, maybe it's because we’ve been noticing the places in the lives of others and in our own life where it's been out. The 'it' that's out is "integrity." When we…

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Added by Linda Bloom on April 13, 2018 at 5:00pm — 1 Comment

Don’t Fall Into The Entitlement Trap

Rosie and Wes married when they were both very young. Rosie had been a “Daddy’s girl,” always doted on and indulged by a father who treated her as if she could do no wrong. Wes adored her and did everything he could to try to make her happy. Unfortunately, Rosie was never quite satisfied with Wes’s offerings. She was often cold, aloof, and unresponsive to his many overtures of affection. One Christmas, Wes spent a lot of time deliberating over what to buy Rosie…

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Added by Linda Bloom on April 10, 2018 at 1:00pm — 1 Comment

Who Comes First, Your Partner or Your Kids?

We don’t serve the needs of our children when we neglect our relationship to attend to them. It can sometimes feel as if there is a competition for attention between our partner and our kids. When we realize that the well-being of the children is directly related to the well-being of our marriage, we are less apt to feel guilty or neglectful when we tend to our primary relationship.

 …

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Added by Linda Bloom on April 6, 2018 at 12:30pm — 1 Comment

The Consequence of Withholding

As a little girl, Dulce witnessed and felt the pain caused by anger, and she adopted a strategy of compliance to protect herself from strong emotions. She had negative experiences in her past from when she revealed her feelings and needs. She was shamed and blamed for expressing herself. When she attempted to be authentic, she was ridiculed for being overly sensitive, making a mountain out of a molehill, and way too needy. Dulce got the message early that it was dangerous to show her tender…

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Added by Linda Bloom on April 3, 2018 at 3:30pm — 1 Comment

Keep Your Relationship Fresh and Passionate

Many believe that-long term relationships eventually become boring. This myth can be hazardous to your relationship because it can become a self-fulfilling prophecy. That can lead to a belief that when there are moments of diminished feelings of attraction, desire, or sexual excitement (all of which occur from time to time even in the best relationships) that the flame has gone out and the future is bleak. Possessed by this expectation, it’s not surprising that many couples can begin a…

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Added by Linda Bloom on March 30, 2018 at 10:30am — 1 Comment

It’s a Challenge to Love Well

“For one human being to love another, that is perhaps the most difficult of all our tasks; the ultimate, the last test and proof, the work for which all other work is but preparation.”    –   Rainer Maria Rilke

It’s mysterious that a process as natural and universal as loving can as challenging for so many of us. In fact, it seems that more often than not, the art of learning to love well is one…

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Added by Linda Bloom on March 27, 2018 at 11:30am — 1 Comment

The Power of A Light Touch

“Happiness is like a butterfly, when pursued is always beyond our grasp. But if you will sit down quietly, may alight upon you.” Nathaniel Hawthorne

 

Linda:  And the same can be said about love. If it pursued with excessive vigor or desperation, it will elude us. Sit quietly, and love may alight. Taking our attention off of the object of our desires, and not trying to change or chase them, not pursuing…

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Added by Linda Bloom on March 23, 2018 at 1:00pm — 1 Comment

Judgments Aren’t the Problem; Attachments Are

Conscious living requires us to make assessments. We assess risk level, cost benefits, and appropriateness of behaviors in specific situations. We have to make certain judgment calls every day. We make judgments in our relationships too, but we sometimes forget that they are personal, temporary evaluations, instead viewing them as objectively. Being judgmental in a relationship is usually disastrous because once we attach ourselves to a fixed characterization of our partner, we have a very…

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Added by Linda Bloom on March 21, 2018 at 3:30pm — 1 Comment

Givers and Takers

A Story of Heaven and Hell                                       

Heaven and hell are set up the same way. In each place people sit at large rectangular banquet tables. The tables are beautifully set and have every imaginable delicacy. All the diners in both settings have large wooden paddles strapped to their hands which can’t be removed. In hell all the diners are Takers who try to feed…

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Added by Linda Bloom on March 14, 2018 at 2:30pm — 1 Comment

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