As the year comes to a close, we are all reminded of our accomplishments, setbacks and the disappointments we have experienced throughout the year. We may have lost old friends, gained new friends. Some of us either moved forward or struggled with failure in what we had hoped to achieve when initially setting our New Year’s resolutions’. Understanding that no year is a “perfect year” and not every moment is of “absolute bliss” can help us adjust and adapt to the flow of energy that each year embodies. There will always be peaks and valleys and when we can view these both as equally important, we can move forward freely. For each experience serves a purpose. When we hurt it’s easy to blame. Pointing a finger at the other person or situation alleviates our pain. Somehow, deflecting any personal responsibility justifies the demise in the relationship. We may even try to get others on our side. We tell our tale in hopes that they will empathize with us and comfort us in our time of self-pity. Yet, the true sign of a spiritual being is one that can continuously open their heart and listen to those they hurt. Seeing both sides of a story is simply not enough, for we may still try to “prove” our point. Yet, when we can open the gate of conversation then we can understand the underlying feelings of others. This is when understanding, compassion and empathy can occur. People get hurt and they shut down. They create these false scenarios and build emotional blocks based on perception, not on reality. Reality is not just one point of view. Reality is ALL points of view. It is the panorama of the experience. When we can love from this vantage point, the view is beautiful. We can then see that we are all one, and when one hurts, we all hurt. So many times people throw away relationships, friendships and jobs based on perception and not on reality. In the day and age of social media, we have become afraid of being open to a conversation in which both people can sit, without judgement, and listen openly and freely. We are so quick to jump in and not even let the other person finish their sentence. Perhaps we have become so afraid of rejection that it is easier to be the first to reject. If we are to be live happier and more fulfilling lives, we must build our relationships. When we can make the effort to understand how our actions or words have hurt another, we begin to heal ourselves and build better relationships.
4 Tips in Communication to build lasting Relationships
1. Listen Openly. When we can listen to our partner, friend, family member or boss with an open mind and open heart, we can begin the healing process. When listening, we want to be mindful of any facial expressions or gestures. The person talking has been impacted in some way by our words or actions and if we care about this relationship, then we should respect and honor the person enough to simply listen without judgement. Sometimes the person speaking may work through the issues by simply saying them aloud, other times; it’s having the ability to share without the threat of losing the relationship that is the healing factor desperately needed.
2. Avoid Allies. When we hurt, we may look for supporters. We find ourselves sharing our story with anyone who will listen in an effort to gain compassion and empathy. When we can sit in our own feelings and allow ourselves to process them, we learn that the support we need comes from within. By avoiding the water cooler conversation, we are avoiding drama. We will begin the healing process simply by giving ourselves the time and space needed to process our feelings internally.
3. Make an Effort. Instead of venting our situation out to the world, we should go directly to the source and ask for a conversation. With the popularity of social media, it has become second nature to post, blog or tweet our feelings without first going directly to the person to see if there is a misunderstanding that can easily be resolved by engaging in an open conversation. People have forgotten how to talk through their feelings and have become too eager to hit the delete, unfollow or unlike button.
4. Release Perception. We all have a perception. However, our perception can hinder the highest-good of a relationship simply because we will create all of the actions to fulfill that point of view. Our minds need to justify the perception so that we feel “right” in viewpoint, yet we have lost the way to see the other side. When we can open our perception, we can then see how the other person might feel or have interpreted the actions. Although this may not resolve the issues that are plaguing the relationship, we can at least walk away with a better sense of understanding. The least we can do it listen to someone we care about. It’s easy to throw away relationships, but when we make an effort to communicate we might just find that there’s a simple misunderstanding at hand. If we keep throwing away relationships haphazardly and create false accusations of jealousy, greed or unsupportiveness we fail to be that friend we want in someone else. If we don’t find ways to work through our disagreements we will only end up alone. Even in our Tribe, we may find misunderstandings. We are all unique and different and at some point, we will all face a disagreement within a relationship. How we approach the situation is what will define our relationships in life and in the end, define who we are as a Tribe.
Colby is an Internationally recognized Psychic Medium, certified master Spiritual teacher, radio host, speaker and author of the best-selling book, Leap of Faith: How to Build Your Spiritual Business. Colby was recently featured on the cover and is a spotlight writer for OMTimes Magazine. She is also a member of Shay Parker’s Best American Psychics.