Do we get more mellow as we age making our relationships easier without the need for trips to Relate or more years of self introspection or does the amount of experiences we have mellow our view towards each other?
As much as I loathe to talk numbers, I am 46 next birthday and notice over the years how much life has changed and grown into a really amazing place, quite naturally on some levels just because I have got older.
I am very happy and settled with Joel, my conscious partner in life. We have a beautiful home on a quiet hill in Surrey, UK. I do what I love for a living and work from home and can coffee at Costa whenever I like. I love being around my good friends and having dinners and a glass of wine locally and I love spending quality time with my mum and dog who live nearby. It’s a slower life but way more satisfying on SO many levels.
Way gone (generally) are the days of 5am finishes after a night out, train thundering hangovers and feeling crap when the man I was dating did something I didn’t like.
I feel so content now, to look back and reminisce with my BF Jules over a glass or two. It’s such a rich experience to reflect fondly and crack up laughing at some of things we have done.
I have done so much partying, seeing the world, careering, dating, getting to know the real me and then spending years self developing through a journey of healing modalities, yoga and topping it off nicely with life changing relationship AHAs! So I guess in my inner contentment, I am automatically more content to be with Joel and just be.
I have a heap more things I want to do in life, none more than REALLY getting out there in the relationship arena, so I am not doing a rocking chair reflection just yet, but in this article I want to say one or two things from experience about age and relationships.
Aging, as many people have said to me over the years, really lies in the body not in the mind so I rather think that relationships, in the main, are better as we get older for these reasons:
1) We have “been there, seen it, done it, and now can’t be arsed” about those things that used to bother us. We can’t be bothered to get upset about things and be picky about stuff as we realise it just doesn’t matter really!
2) Aging bodies are at play and the thoughts that life is too short pull us into a reality check so we don’t find the passion to sweat the small stuff anymore.
3) We become easier in our own skin because life has taught us alot and the many layers of experience bring wisdom and the natural ability to become choosey about what not to get involved in because in the past we know where those choices lead us.
4) Our many relationship experiences have healed past “wounds” and so things just don’t fire the negative reactions like they used to (that’s me!).
When I spectate people as I love to do over a latte in Costa, many older people in relationships just seem happier. Now that could be for a plethora of reasons, like one is just putting up with the other and has sunk into the potting shed mentality for the sake of compromise. But maybe we feel more companionable towards each other because our reasons for couplehood change into a cruise rather than a high speed chase.
Whatever the reason, I have to say I love this time of my life and echo the following words with relish
“Growing old is a mandatory process. For women, for a period of time, we might even resist aging as we try our hardest to fight off wrinkles and hang on to the physical beauty of our faces. Yet, getting old is a natural process where things are slowing down, and you'll begin to see that the sparkle in your heart and the twinkle in your eyes make you beautiful in a way that's not achievable in youth.”
Happy festive season everyone!