Abstract: PARENTING:  We want our kids to listen us. We ask them nicely to do something and nothing happens. The first thing we need to do is get to the core of why they are not listening. There are different reasons with different resolutions to why our kids are not listening to us. When we take the time to get the core of their experience, we can focus on creating resolutions that are optimal for their individual needs. Some things we can explore to inspire our kids to listen to us.
"The first thing you need to do is figure out why they are not listening. This lack of response is a symptom not the actual problem" Amy McCready
We want our kids to listen us. We ask them nicely to do something and nothing happens. We wonder if they heard us, then say it again with no response. As our frustration escalates, and we say it one more time. We wonder why our kids are not inspired to listen to us? Amy McCready, parenting educator and founder of Positive Parenting says, that kids not listening is one of the most common frustrations she hears from parents. She brings a warm voice of support us when she supports us to get core of why they are not listening. She urges us to address this, as it often leads to other behavior issues such as tantrums, defiance, and talking back.
There are different reasons with different resolutions to why our kids are not listening to us. As parents we need to explore and discover what is really going on with each child. They might be simply tired, hungry, not feeling well, having issues with family interactions or physical conditions that could be affecting them. When we take the time to get the core of their experience, we can focus on creating resolutions that are optimal for their individual needs.
As we explore and discover we can…
  • Ask the question, “What is the nature of experiencing our kids wanting to listen and respond to us in all the most beneficial ways?”
  • Notice our state of being. Breathe, move and vibrate our energy with intent to connect and release any contraction in our bodies. Breathe and notice the tone and energy behind what we want to say. Do we want sound blaming, shaming, judging or boring all they hear is blah, blah, blah? Or do want to be alive, present and inspiring to listen to?
  • Let them feel we want to connect with them. Breathe, get down to their level, make eye contact and talk to them in a gentle caring way.
  • Avoid saying “I’m worried about you.” Being continuously worried can make kids wonder what is so wrong with them that we worry so much. Perhaps say “I’m concerned about…” as a way to let them know we care. Perhaps say, “I’m wondering what are really feeling right now? Be honest with ourselves as we ask “does worrying really work?
  • Ditch the “don’t” word. The most common example is when we tell someone, “Don’t think of a pink elephant in the room”, the first thing they think of is a pink elephant! So instead of saying “don’t touch that” we can simply say “hands off” Or instead of “don’t stand in the road” we can say “stand over here.” It is amazing how quickly our kids respond to that!
  • Notice that too many “no’s” make our kids want to stop listening. A simple “no’ is sometimes the easiest and best thing to do. When use “yes’ we get have a better chance of inspiring them to tune into what we have to say. Instead of just saying “No, not now”, we could say “Yes, you can do it later after we get home” or instead of saying “No, cookies now ”, we can say “Yes, we can have some for dessert tonight.
  • Remember that our kids want to express their power. We can let them exert their power (within our boundaries of course) by allowing them to pick out their clothes, decide which book they want us to read and other things such as letting them play in puddles to their heart’s conten
  • Keep it short. To get our kid’s attention we have to keep it very short and to the point!
  • Thank them in advance of what you want them to do. For example,“thanks for putting your muddy boots on the door mat.” Appreciating them in advance shows our trust in them and Inspires them to do the right thing. It enhances our connection, increasing the chance they will do it again.
  • Talk in a loving assuming tone. For example, a simple a comment could be, “I notice that the garbage hasn’t gone out, what is your plan for taking it out?” This inspires our kids to to listen and come up with a quick plan if they did not already have one! When we want to address homework, take the time to focus on their strengths and their progress. Use opportunities to know that making mistakes is okay. Ask “What did you learn from choosing that answer?” As for family issues, listen do our best to see it from their perspective. Then set a time to turn on music, dance and move energy!
  • Clear the pathways for sharing each other’s experiences, perspective and time for coming up with resolutions.

About the author: Crystal is a certified expansion guide, author, coach and facilitator for the live event called Freedom at the Core. She is also the instructor and coach for her online course, Freedom From the Inside Out.  She draws from her own experience and the experience of all the hundreds of people that she has worked with over the past 35 years. Crystal is known for the fun and empowering ways she supports people in bringing forth the experiences they want in their lives. She now has a program for parents who want to explore and experience new leading edge ways to make parenting easier and much more fun. She is also writing a series of children's books that embrace the principles of freedom from the inside out.

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Comment by Omtimes Media on March 24, 2021 at 12:02pm

Hello Crystal, this article will be published in the  July  2021 edition. Thank you for your submission.

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