Another 'Mother's Day' has just gone by and I find myself in deep reflection pondering about being a mother and its ultimate meaning …
I am a mature woman who is a Feminine Cycle Consultant and a Women's Coach, therefore the subject of motherhood is dear to my heart.
I am not a mother myself, only an auntie for the time being, so mainly my reflections are about how I appreciate my mother and what I can do to be a good 'mother' to myself.
When I think on how I behaved when I was a young girl and then a young woman, I shrink a bit inside, as I remember very well how strongly I clashed with my mum and how I was trying my best to get my opinion heard and validated by her. Back then I thought that mainly the generation gap was the culprit of our misunderstandings, but now I see things differently.
For sure the generation gap can cause problems in communication within the family and therefore a whole array of issues can come out of it, but mainly I didn't understand how difficult the role of a mother is until I was older and in a position myself of possibly being a mother if I choose to and therefore fully appreciate what my mother did for me.
I heard it being said by my mother many times when I was younger: “One day you will understand when you are a mother yourself!” but I felt strongly about my ideas and way of doing things, etc. I only appreciated its meaning after I hit my 40's.
It's as if Nature makes us short-sighted to be able to fully embody our role of daughters, which is a sacred role in itself too: if we are not completely daughters in the total sense of the word when we are young, we certainly cannot be it when we are grown up, therefore I don't feel guilty any more about how single minded I was back then.
It is fundamental to develop oneself emotionally and psychologically and to become a grown-up woman to learn to affirm one's will properly during the teenage years, but maybe I underestimated the responsibility of being a mother and the utter deed of love which it is! It is a commitment for life, not a little thing indeed!
If I could go back in time and use my wisdom of maturity in an adult conversation with my mother, the first thing I would say to her would be:
“Sorry mum for being abrupt and not taking into consideration your love towards me and what it really means being a mother! Thank you for all your concern and dedication to bring me up in the best way you could do!”
Now in my 40's I wonder how good a mother I am towards myself on a daily basis …
To be able to be good to others, I need to learn to be good to myself first and really understand the meaning of deep care and love.
Am I taking care of all my needs as a good mother would do for her child?
Am I taking time out to appreciate my company and value myself?
Do I feed myself properly as a grown-up, or do I still use food to compensate for the things missing in my life?
Do I put myself to bed at a reasonable time, as a caring mother would do with her child?
Or do I just keep going ignoring the time, because I think that I am old enough to dismiss my body's needs, like a good night's sleep?
Do I associate with people that feed me on different levels, rather than meeting anybody just to avoid feeling alone?
Do I take care of my learning, even if I have finished schooling, as a mother does for her child in choosing the best education possible?
Do I watch my finances so that I can take care of myself in the future?
The questions that come to mind go on and on and I realise more and more what being a mother means and how much my mother could teach me, even if I used to find so many faults in her …
In fact to be a good mother to oneself is possibly the most difficult role to fulfill and it is so easy to criticize others without realizing one's own faults!
Even if we are so different in character and we have such different values, only now I realize how much my mother loved me and how much I still have to learn to love myself as unconditionally as my mum did.
Maybe my mother couldn't teach me self-love as she didn't know it herself that much, but she definitely taught me how important the selfless love of a mother is, which is a priceless and universal commodity we never appreciate enough!
Are you a good mother to yourself?
Are you finding that it is not that easy, as I am finding it?
If yes, I would love to read your comments and opinions about it.
With deep love and respect to all the mothers in the world, remember that your role is of the most importance, always!
Blessings to all mothers
Gabriella Guglielminotti Trivel
Author, speaker and Feminine Cycle Consultant